I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
