She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
