yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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