I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
