Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
