I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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