how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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