It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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