Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
