The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
