I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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