I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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