I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
