Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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