If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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