for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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