Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
