i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
