I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The feeling are messing with the penis
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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