I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
