I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
