seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
