I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
