Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
