i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I understand Curling. That high.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
