I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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