i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
