Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
