Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
