those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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