the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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