my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
