This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
