you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
