U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
