he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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