I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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