Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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