where does the pee come out of this thing
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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