do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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