I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize