So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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