we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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