All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
