Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
