You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
