she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
