i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
bring money and cleavage
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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