just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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