I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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