We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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