Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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