I hate your face
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she smelled like a LAN party
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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