let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want her autograph on my taint
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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