Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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